There are days when we simply cannot get ourselves out of bed to interact with anyone. Stepping outside the box seems like a painful procedure and the more we try, the more we fail. Nobody wants to wake up in the morning, feeling bad about themselves. This is not because of over-working your body but because you over-work your mind. Negative ways of thinking and habits that lower your sense of self worth can cause a gradual and subtle impact on your self-esteem. This way of thinking pushes you into a state where you feel low all of the time, doubt yourself for absolutely no reason and it makes you feel like you don’t deserve a healthy relationship or true friends. If that is what’s happening to you, then there’s something you can do about it.
1. Surround yourself with positive people.
The first step is to take a close look at your friend group. Determine whether they are positive and cheerful or weighing you down, causing you to sink deeper.When you surround yourself with people who are toxic, it negatively affects your self-esteem. Limit your interactions with such people since they only have one thing on their minds: “to talk about themselves and ask nothing about your life”.
If someone you trust or care for leaves you out of their plans and always puts themselves ahead you, then there’s no question that they are bad news. These small behavioral patterns can help you determine if you should stay away from them. Maintaining such toxic relationships would eventually amount to low self-esteem.
2. Stop assuming what others are thinking about you.
When our self-esteem hits rock bottom, we naturally have the tendency to assume what others think of us. This can be pretty damaging and a huge waste of your precious time. Our thoughts on what others are thinking is not driven by factual information, rather negative personal experiences. Although it might seem like it helps thinking of things we don’t fully understand, it has long-lasting damages.
The constant state of worry will shift your focus away from self-development and lead you into a downward spiral. Don’t assume everyone to be judgemental of you. Being a negative-thinker is a sure shot way of destroying your self-esteem.
3. Don’t give into your fears.
Being brave is easier said than done. However, if you are someone who often gives into your own fears, then it lowers your self-esteem over time. Once you give into your fear, it’s easier to give into the next one. From there onward, your world becomes much smaller and fighting it seems impossible. The only way to regain control of your life and boost your self-esteem is to get out into the real world and face your fears. If you believe that you are comfortable giving up on yourself, the process just becomes harder.
4. Avoid going overboard with your apologies.
While apologizing can salvage relationships, going overboard with it can have serious consequences on your self-esteem. Knowingly or unknowingly, we all make mistakes. For that, we apologize to the person we have wronged.Then, there are instances where a mistake was made and we automatically assume that it was our fault; only to apologize without a valid reason. This habit makes you feel as if you owe them for the mistake; further lowering your self-esteem. The only way to get rid of this habit is to stop assuming and move on.
5. Stop saying “YES” to everyone and everything.
When our self-esteem is at the lowest, we tend to say “YES” to everyone and everything.We agree to anything since our mind tricks us into thinking that it’s the only way to satisfy others and stay positive. However, it’s quite the opposite. Whenever you agree to something you are not comfortable with, it shifts the focus away from yourself.
People pleasers try to make as many people happy as they can, but over time they become exhausted and their self-esteem goes down the drain. Every time a people pleaser agrees, it makes them feel like it’s never enough and they need to do more. Understand that not everything in life needs a “YES” and it’s ok to say “NO”.
6. Considering failure to be the worst outcome in life.
Bad things happen in life. Even if you are careful, there will be things that are beyond your control. What would you do if something bad happens? Suppose you didn’t get that promotion you hoped for. If you consider that to be a test in life which you will have to achieve with hard work, then you are on the right path. But, if you let that shape your personality and self-esteem, it can be a problem.
Failure is something no one wishes to have in their life but when things happen, we need to try to turn it into a positive outcome. See failure as an event in your life, a small hiccup. Don’t see it as an end but rather an opportunity. People with low self-esteem view failure as the end game; which makes their thought process, their identity.
7. Stop comparing your life with someone else’s.
When you see a Facebook post about your friend achieving his/her dream, don’t compare it with your goals. Not everyone has it easy and this could potentially hurt your self-esteem. When you compare reality to your perception of life, it is a recipe for disaster. The person achieving the goal could have worked hard and waited years for the end result. Do not assume things to be easy for others and hard for you. When we compare ourselves with others success, we are skewering our dreams and make ourselves believe that life is unfair; making our lives more miserable.
8. Always maintain a personal boundary.
Whether it be friends or your partner, let them know the things you are comfortable with and those you aren’t. Setting a boundary about your likeness can help you boost your self-esteem. If you don’t set these boundaries, you are potentially damaging your self-worth by allowing people to do things that hurt you. This also makes you feel like you don’t have the basic right or dignity to assert your preferences. Before someone starts treating you however they like, make them understand the fine line between what’s right and what’s wrong.
9. Do not keep your thoughts and feelings to yourself in a relationship.
Communication is one of the most important things in a relationship. If something bothers you, let your partner know. By bottling up your thoughts and feelings, you are telling yourself that you don’t matter. This also makes things worse since anything that your partner does can make you feel like you are being ignored. So, go ahead and speak your mind around your partner or family members. Although it’s bound to be uncomfortable at first, the relief of expressing your emotions and clearing things up can help boost your self-esteem.
10. Spending too much time on social-media.
With numerous ways to connect with your friends, family and co-workers, we all have the habit of spending way too much time on them than we should. If you wake up in the morning and feel like you are missing out, then that’s when you know you have a problem. Although platforms like Instagram, Twitter and others can help you know what’s going on with everyone’s life, it can significantly lower your self-esteem.
This relates to a larger pattern of comparison of self to others, which can be very detrimental; making us feel as if we are not good enough or not doing well in life as our peers. If you find yourself in this situation, take a break. Cut off electronics, take a walk, spend time with your friends or family members to talk things through.